big tex b-que

what? too soon?

it should be noted that the over-the-top texas state fair where literally anything edible (and somethings that aren’t) are fried up for human consumption is not something i’ve experienced. that being said, i’ve seen the big guy from a distance and have been to many a show (depeche mode on the violator tour, van hagar on JAB’s 21st birthday, nine inch nails, etc) in the park where the fair is held. to be honest that’s close enough for me. but i know this has to be a big deal to many (no pun intended) due to all the emailed links and facebook posts i saw about the big tex fire:

(that’s a before, during, and after on the theoretically electrical fire that killed the mascot of the texas state fair, who turned seventy this year and was named “big tex”)

so in memory of the biggest texan (in the literal sense) turning out to be a flamer (i couldn’t resist) here’s six facts about him i didn’t know until i read articles to get this bit going, which wasn’t SUPPOSED to be a sixer, but there was just soooooo much stuff:

six big tex things i accidentally learned reading up for this bit

texans rock their khakis with a cuff and a crease – – so this is actually a dr. dre lyrics reference to dickies’ brand khakis, the pants du ghetto for so many of the lowrider set. proudly made in ft. worth, texas – which i didn’t know, and only learned ’cause big tex ALSO rocks dickie’s, just more of the western than “west coast” flava.

that shit ain’t memorex – in this day of digital recordings, the voice of big tex is actually performed LIVE for twelve fucking hours – thirty minutes on, thirty minutes off, from a booth at his base. people actually line up to take pictures with the guy that does the voice. how do i get THAT fucking gig?

we wish you a texas-sized xmas – he used to be a santa used to draw tourists to a small town for shopping. it worked like a motherfucker…for only two years. than the novelty wore off (you’d think people in the 1950’s would be more easily entertained) so the city sold the statue to the state fair in 1952.

not ready for the early bird at denny’s yet, by god! – as he’s not TECHNICALLY alive (sorry to spoil that for you, kramer) he doesn’t ACTUALLY age…but the state fair folk didn’t think that was right, and felt he should age along with all the lil’ texans that had grown up with him, so in 2002 when he turned fifty, they actually added wrinkles to his hands and gray streaks, which just makes us guys look “distinguished”, not “old”, right?

his winter home ain’t the north pole, despite his santa history – he actually “lives” in a dallas warehouse most of the year, which this year will be more of a workshop situation, ’cause…

he’ll be back! – the nice thing about so much down time during the year? it means you can really focus on YOU – or in the case of a giant statue that went up in flames, it means that the crew that is gonna rebuild you can really focus on YOU. look for a pretty grand unveiling come texas state fair 2013, unless the mayans are right of course; in that case this was probably just another sign the end of the world was upon us!